Top 500 Reasons I'm Going To Hell

500 - 11: The debauchery, the drunkenness, the mean spirited acts, etc. You know, all the stuff you do in high school and college. I've done countless bad deeds in my life, some I really, really regret. Thankfully, most of them were done without witnesses so I'm the only one cringing in horror when the flashbacks come. Some of these reasons might put me in heaven in some circles...

10. The bitchy/catty comments about co-workers and sometimes even friends (some friends are spared the snarky commentary).

9. My inability to stop the commentary running through my head as I sit through another incredibly frightening Easter service. "Wow, the costume budget must have gone up this year 'cuz check out the skirts on the Roman Centurions."

8. My inability to stop the running commentary in my head during the sermons at Easter service. "Do you really think 'The Passion of the Christ' is popular in Muslim countries because they want to understand the life of Jesus Christ? Do you think it might have something to do with the movie's portrayal of Jews? Maybe?"

7. The constant swearing at the t.v./radio whenever anyone in the Bush administration or certain male Republican members of Congress/Senate are on. It's not pretty.

6. My perpetual desire to walk up to people and suggest a more appropriate hairstyle or mode of dress. When I finally crack, I'm going to be cutting people's hair on the bus whether they want a new hairdo or not. It will either be that or I'll be standing on a street corner with a sandwich board listing my many grievances against the government. It's a toss-up.

5. I've decided that my in-laws (my MIL in particular) are 'different' and that they will not be allowed to baby sit my child (when/if I have one) under any circumstances.

4. My undying love of pop music. Justin Timberlake, a couple of Kelly Clarkson songs, "we belong together" by Mariah Carey, you get the picture. (Duran Duran does not count - they rule!) I blame iTunes for my descent into hell.

3. I use a bus pass obtained by a relative from her company so I don't have to buy one. Free bus pass! Yippee!

2. My overwhelming desire to see Tom DeLay, Bill Frist, Rick Santorum, Condeleeza Rice, Dick Cheney, Donald Rumsfeld, Shrub, Alberto Gonzales, Justice Thomas, Justice Scalia, Karl Rove, et al., go down in ball of flames. Soon.

1. My continual mocking of my in-laws' Christmas holiday tradition of a birthday cake for Jesus. Candles and a rousing version of "Happy Birthday to You" included. Especially the year the cake read "Happy Birthday Jessus." If the comments in church don't do it, then this definitely puts me in hell - if it exists. :-)